Wednesday, January 06, 2010
whatever @ 9:41 PM
Jesus Christ.
Life. Sigh.
So I just threw a fit like a bloody five year old and took down everything that had to do with Leverage to make a fucking point. I know that’s probably really bratty, but I’m sorry; my feelings were hurt… are hurt. And I think that I was able to last this damn long before I exploded should be an accomplishment in and of it’s self. I mean hell; it’s been months and months of all this repetitive crap. So yeah, pat on the fucking back to me for not blowing up everything sooner.
I can’t talk about this in here like I did on my LJ or my Facebook. Those two are locked to the public, and frankly? So not looking to get sued for slander, here. Or, fuck, whatever. Besides even all of that though, part of me still really cares about this person (though, why? Yeah, I don’t know), and I can’t… fuck, I can’t do the same shit that everyone else did at the beginning. Hurt their feelings like that shit did then. Especially that crap coming from me? That’s… that’s really fucking cruel. Honestly. I was the thing that made all of that not suck as bad. I made the depression go away. Apparently, anyway.
So I can’t be the cause of it. As much as I wish that they would pay attention for two freaking seconds and fix what is so easily repairable if only they bothered… I won’t ever say anything. I can’t. But hey, that’s me putting everybody first. AGAIN.
And it’s not like I didn’t try… but I pussied out. Hardcore. Ugh.
Maybe part of me wishes someone else would do it. Just get their attention and be like “hey, shit just went South; fix?” but I doubt anyone will. Though to be honest I don’t know… fuck, I don’t know if it’ll really all fix. I mean yeah, simple shit, I’ll forgive it all temporarily. But then there’s the nagging in the back of my mind that it was only fixed so they could get what they wanted to come back. That it was meaningless. That I’m being used, or something. But fuck, it’d still be nice to hear, regardless of the intentions.
I just… fuck, I work my ass off. It’s not something that really should be taken for granted because of just the massiveness of it all. And especially not when it’s so known. That I’m so known, or whatever. If I was anonymous, if no one knew, then I wouldn’t expect anything. Maybe that’s my problem. Or the problem. Or something. I’m known, so it’s like yeah, how hard is it to, I don’t know, not fucking blatantly ignore me? It’s been a year this month. A bloody year. Two words is not hard to say…
What’s even worse than that is the fact that I know they say nice things about me to everyone else. So why the hell do I so very clearly not matter when I’m actually around? Is it all just some kind of front? Cause I don’t play like that.
It really all just comes down to the fact that I’m a fucking person. I have a life, feelings, whatever. And frankly? You are not as cool as you think you are, and obviously not as cool as I thought you were if this is how shit’s gonna play out. So right now? This is how it looks when I’m not around. Part of me hopes you give a shit, but I won’t bet money on it.
Though, outside of that whole thing, of course more shit had to be piled on top of it.
Fans. Fans that are just so blatantly fucking mean to me because of, hell, I don’t know. Everyone says jealousy, but I don’t know. It’s really not like my life is anything to envy, here. Really, people. And the fact that people feel the need to tear me down and be cruel really upsets me. I do so fucking much for this fandom. You think I got noticed because I sat on my ass and did nothing? No. I work my ass off to promote the show in any way that I can. To make things that are enjoyable for other fans. So you know what? Yeah, I think I deserve the little bit of attention I get. And maybe, if you weren’t such a lazy complaining asshole, and actually did shit to get you noticed, than you would be too. Nothing is free, idiot. You work to get the things you want.
Oh, and by the way, trying to ruin a great memory for me by saying I’m a liar? Fuck off. That’s just ridiculous, mainly because I have a truth problem. Me lying is kind of fucking laughable if you even knew me.
So this is me being a brat and showing the fandom what it’s like when I’m not around. If I had the effort I’d make all my fic entries in my LJ private to prove my point further, but I figured it’d just be pointless since I can’t find a way to get rid of all my sit on FF.net and still be able to bring it back later when everything has cooled off some.
But moving on from fandom drama…
I watched some girl have sex for the first time for money. Well, not watched, but I was there. I had her guys friend. And god, it’s difficult to watch. Just cause it’s always so confusing at first, and this girl afterwards was like “he was really sweet to me…” blah blah. I was like “NO! He PAYED you to have sex with him. He is nothing but a trick! God, don’t ever personalize it.”
Oh, and she let him kiss her. Negative. You never, ever kiss. That’s too intimate. Sigh. When guys try to kiss me I usually tell them it’s flu season. Because oddly enough I only have to do this crap in the winter…
Oh and the girl I’ve been fucking, well, the girl I’ve been fucking with her boyfriend… totally freaked out on me yesterday for leaving with that customer. She got all possessive. I was like wtf? And then she told me I was only the second person she’s ever slept with. It’s hard for her to just… I don’t know, not care.
So yeah, we’re not gonna fuck anymore.
And I should be writing my article on “Leverage” but instead I’ve been watching HIMYM all damn day. Oh well, it just needs to be up by Friday morning. Guess I’ll do it when I wake up. I always wait to do this shit to the last minute lol. But right now I just wanna forget about “Leverage” for a minute.
Lord. Just. Life. God.
Labels: leverage, sex, stripping, whores
