Monday, January 26, 2009
blah @ 5:41 AM
I'm in quite a strange predicament.So. I have about a half a gram of meth in my house right now. I've had it in my house for oh... since Saturday afternoon.I haven't touched it.Well okay that's not true. I tried to touch it. Tried to smoke it, and like... I really didn't want to. I just have no desire to do the damn drug at all.This has never happened to me before.Ever.Sure, I've had no desire to do it when I don't have it. But it's here, in front of my fucking face, and I'm like eh, no.I spent the entire day yesterday sleeping. Seriously, I was only up for about five hours. I had dreams that consisted of Phoenix getting hit by a car and no one wanting to help me bring her to an animal hospital, so I had to carry her and walk to one. I woke up and snuggled her after that, it really depressed me.I also had a dream that I had a dog, and my dog had ten puppies (yeah ten, like that's realistic lol) and on top of that, some of them were blue.Blue? wtf?I want a blue fucking dog xDI have a bunch of stuff I need to do, and no desire to do any of them. No desire to smoke so I can want to do them.Blah. I just want to sleep. I know I'm not tiered, I just don't wanna be awake right now. I don't know why.I also just want to eat. I'm not hungry, I just really want some food.Depression symptoms, I know. BLECH. Annoyance.I wish I could get the effort to do something productive on my days off today & tomorrow. The Closer tonight. YAY. Brenda FTW.
Btw, added a button so you can subscribe to the RSS Feed. Dunno if that's easier for some of you or not.
Labels: depression, dreams, drugs, meth
Monday, January 26, 2009
blah @ 5:41 AM
I'm in quite a strange predicament.So. I have about a half a gram of meth in my house right now. I've had it in my house for oh... since Saturday afternoon.I haven't touched it.Well okay that's not true. I tried to touch it. Tried to smoke it, and like... I really didn't want to. I just have no desire to do the damn drug at all.This has never happened to me before.Ever.Sure, I've had no desire to do it when I don't have it. But it's here, in front of my fucking face, and I'm like eh, no.I spent the entire day yesterday sleeping. Seriously, I was only up for about five hours. I had dreams that consisted of Phoenix getting hit by a car and no one wanting to help me bring her to an animal hospital, so I had to carry her and walk to one. I woke up and snuggled her after that, it really depressed me.I also had a dream that I had a dog, and my dog had ten puppies (yeah ten, like that's realistic lol) and on top of that, some of them were blue.Blue? wtf?I want a blue fucking dog xDI have a bunch of stuff I need to do, and no desire to do any of them. No desire to smoke so I can want to do them.Blah. I just want to sleep. I know I'm not tiered, I just don't wanna be awake right now. I don't know why.I also just want to eat. I'm not hungry, I just really want some food.Depression symptoms, I know. BLECH. Annoyance.I wish I could get the effort to do something productive on my days off today & tomorrow. The Closer tonight. YAY. Brenda FTW.
Btw, added a button so you can subscribe to the RSS Feed. Dunno if that's easier for some of you or not.
Labels: depression, dreams, drugs, meth
i my me mine.
you think you know me yeah ?
My name is Mary. I'm a 24 year old creative mess. I like to tell stories in anyway that I can, though mostly through visual artwork. I enjoy film editing, writing, modeling, photography, dancing, and website design. I'm a lesbian. I'm bipolar. I'm stronger than I usually give myself credit for. I'm a recovering drug addict. I'm passionate as all hell. I'm a beautiful disaster. I want to be free. I want to
fly.
credits.
