entries ● about ● links

I got a new tattoo. It's lovely, it really is. You like?


I wish I had the effort to squee over it, but I'm really depressed right now. I am such a liar, and the worst part of it is that I don't think I'm lying because I justify it in my head. And you know, that's the only reason why I can tell it. If I knew I was lying I wouldn't be able to do it.

I've been clean since I got out of jail, right? Wrong.

Two weeks in I bought some shit. An entire half a gram of meth, smoked the entire fucking thing to myself and... didn't even get high. It was bullshit, so I decided that since I didn't get high I really was still clean.

Well, even if that was true I'm not now. I've been awake since... 2pm Saturday. It's 3am Monday and while that's not too long, the fact remains is that I'm coming down and miserable and yet I'm not even tiered in the slightest.

My back hurts. My jaw kills. My head is pounding. My throat is sore.

And I still have at least another half a gram left.

Will I do it now? Of course not, you can't force yourself to go back up after coming down this far, it never works and you end up feeling worse.

I'm supposed to be doing community service in the morning too. I have 30 hours to do. Stupid court.

I just feel like shit. I'm such a weak little fucker, aren't I? I mean I went through the cravings, the physical ones. I got past that. But my mentality to me is so much worse. Someone mentions it and all of a sudden I need it.

It's quite ridiculous.

I need to go to bed. I need to get up early and do community service. I need to work later that night.

Will any of it happen?

I doubt it.

I hate my ability to make decisions.

And wtf, what the hell is David having me watch? This show, 'Jericho' makes absolutely no sense to me and I just finished the first episode. Most I get is that it's like apocalyptic or in the midst of a really fucked up World War where Americas getting their ass kicked.

But the scenes are short, they switch quickly and only show pieces. I can't follow this thing, I'm ADD for christs sake. My brain can't pay attention to something that's so rapid. Then it aggrivates me because I can't follow it, because I don't like not getting things.

David, find me another show to watch. Srsly.

Labels: drugs, meth, tattoo

I got a new tattoo. It's lovely, it really is. You like?


I wish I had the effort to squee over it, but I'm really depressed right now. I am such a liar, and the worst part of it is that I don't think I'm lying because I justify it in my head. And you know, that's the only reason why I can tell it. If I knew I was lying I wouldn't be able to do it.

I've been clean since I got out of jail, right? Wrong.

Two weeks in I bought some shit. An entire half a gram of meth, smoked the entire fucking thing to myself and... didn't even get high. It was bullshit, so I decided that since I didn't get high I really was still clean.

Well, even if that was true I'm not now. I've been awake since... 2pm Saturday. It's 3am Monday and while that's not too long, the fact remains is that I'm coming down and miserable and yet I'm not even tiered in the slightest.

My back hurts. My jaw kills. My head is pounding. My throat is sore.

And I still have at least another half a gram left.

Will I do it now? Of course not, you can't force yourself to go back up after coming down this far, it never works and you end up feeling worse.

I'm supposed to be doing community service in the morning too. I have 30 hours to do. Stupid court.

I just feel like shit. I'm such a weak little fucker, aren't I? I mean I went through the cravings, the physical ones. I got past that. But my mentality to me is so much worse. Someone mentions it and all of a sudden I need it.

It's quite ridiculous.

I need to go to bed. I need to get up early and do community service. I need to work later that night.

Will any of it happen?

I doubt it.

I hate my ability to make decisions.

And wtf, what the hell is David having me watch? This show, 'Jericho' makes absolutely no sense to me and I just finished the first episode. Most I get is that it's like apocalyptic or in the midst of a really fucked up World War where Americas getting their ass kicked.

But the scenes are short, they switch quickly and only show pieces. I can't follow this thing, I'm ADD for christs sake. My brain can't pay attention to something that's so rapid. Then it aggrivates me because I can't follow it, because I don't like not getting things.

David, find me another show to watch. Srsly.

Labels: drugs, meth, tattoo

My name is Mary. I'm a 24 year old creative mess. I like to tell stories in anyway that I can, though mostly through visual artwork. I enjoy film editing, writing, modeling, photography, dancing, and website design. I'm a lesbian. I'm bipolar. I'm stronger than I usually give myself credit for. I'm a recovering drug addict. I'm passionate as all hell. I'm a beautiful disaster. I want to be free. I want to fly.

put your cbox/shoutmix code here. max width 500px

Obsession Is The New Black
TwentyPoundsOfCrazy
RuiningYourSelfImage
Twitter
MySpace
FanFiction.Net