Thursday, March 05, 2009
the man that stalked me when I was twelve @ 12:50 AM
From the ages of twelve to thirteen, I was stalked by a man named Kenneth Cleveland.He was caught outside my house one night with binoculars and a camera, hiding behind a tree, with his dick in his hand.I do not know what this man looks like. I do not know what he said in court. I don't know if he stalked me outside of just my home, just that it was his Tuesday ritual for over a year.My mother did not let me go to court, for obvious reasons. I was a child, I shouldn't be subjected to that.But I think that's played a part in what ultimately screwed me up. I AM paranoid. I admit it, okay? I seriously always think people are looking through my windows or following me when I walk somewhere. Most of the time it's mild, a nagging feeling in the back of my head, but sometimes its worse.I was lying in bed and for some reason I started thinking about him. I haven't given him much thought over the years. But I think that's why I'm so paranoid... he's like a ghost to me.It get's worse.When I was eighteen and tried to commit suicide for the first time, I started hallucinating. I was in the hospital, and I told the nurse I couldn't go in the bathroom because a man went in there.There was no man.When I went home, I was still fucked up, and told Debi (my girlfriend at the time) that I saw a man walk by the door, right down the hall.There was no man.A month or so later, Debi and her friends who are all pagans, decided to do a ritual to try to make me relive some of my memories as a child that I blocked out.My birthmark? Its not a birthmark.Its a scar.I remember having it in 7th grade on the first day of school, I remember always thinking I had it.I didn't have it in 6th grade. I looked at pictures from 6th grade graduation. It wasn't there. I was twelve. Something happened to me that summer, and I don't know what it was. I remember when I was 16 a psychologist told me I could have PTSD, but not remember that actual event. It could have been too tramatic that I blocked it out.When they did that ritual, I remember seeing that man that I hallucinated about. I remember he used to manipulate my mind. I remember him raping me. I remember getting cut where my scar was, though I don't remember with what.It was fast, and confusing. I didn't know him though, I knew that. I had no idea who this man was. I had no idea WHERE I was during it.I let it go, there was no way of figuring it who it was. Because of my mothers past, I knew she would never intentionally put me in a situation where that could happen. I never had any male babysitters, and since I didn't know who he was he wasn't a relative.I tried to look up Kenneth Cleveland tonight. Couldn't find him in the sex offenders list. Then again, I don't know if stalking me would get him on that list.I looked up his name in reference to Gloucester. It brought me to a womans page, and one of her friends on there was named Ken Cleveland. I really cant be sure if he was the man, I cant remember, but looking at him slightly creeped me out. Actually, it creeped me out a lot for some reason. His MySpace said he was living in Florida now.He has a page on Facebook, though its in the Boston, MA area. I don't know if its him or not, but I really got a weird creeped out feeling when I saw his face.I don't know, I'm probably going to ask my mother. Maybe, I don't know. This has just been kind of fucking with my head tonight for some reason.I don't even know how I started thinking about him. One minute I was thinking of plot points for my Angel/Leverage fic, and then BOOM. Him.I don't know...Labels: rapists, stalkers
Thursday, March 05, 2009
the man that stalked me when I was twelve @ 12:50 AM
From the ages of twelve to thirteen, I was stalked by a man named Kenneth Cleveland.He was caught outside my house one night with binoculars and a camera, hiding behind a tree, with his dick in his hand.I do not know what this man looks like. I do not know what he said in court. I don't know if he stalked me outside of just my home, just that it was his Tuesday ritual for over a year.My mother did not let me go to court, for obvious reasons. I was a child, I shouldn't be subjected to that.But I think that's played a part in what ultimately screwed me up. I AM paranoid. I admit it, okay? I seriously always think people are looking through my windows or following me when I walk somewhere. Most of the time it's mild, a nagging feeling in the back of my head, but sometimes its worse.I was lying in bed and for some reason I started thinking about him. I haven't given him much thought over the years. But I think that's why I'm so paranoid... he's like a ghost to me.It get's worse.When I was eighteen and tried to commit suicide for the first time, I started hallucinating. I was in the hospital, and I told the nurse I couldn't go in the bathroom because a man went in there.There was no man.When I went home, I was still fucked up, and told Debi (my girlfriend at the time) that I saw a man walk by the door, right down the hall.There was no man.A month or so later, Debi and her friends who are all pagans, decided to do a ritual to try to make me relive some of my memories as a child that I blocked out.My birthmark? Its not a birthmark.Its a scar.I remember having it in 7th grade on the first day of school, I remember always thinking I had it.I didn't have it in 6th grade. I looked at pictures from 6th grade graduation. It wasn't there. I was twelve. Something happened to me that summer, and I don't know what it was. I remember when I was 16 a psychologist told me I could have PTSD, but not remember that actual event. It could have been too tramatic that I blocked it out.When they did that ritual, I remember seeing that man that I hallucinated about. I remember he used to manipulate my mind. I remember him raping me. I remember getting cut where my scar was, though I don't remember with what.It was fast, and confusing. I didn't know him though, I knew that. I had no idea who this man was. I had no idea WHERE I was during it.I let it go, there was no way of figuring it who it was. Because of my mothers past, I knew she would never intentionally put me in a situation where that could happen. I never had any male babysitters, and since I didn't know who he was he wasn't a relative.I tried to look up Kenneth Cleveland tonight. Couldn't find him in the sex offenders list. Then again, I don't know if stalking me would get him on that list.I looked up his name in reference to Gloucester. It brought me to a womans page, and one of her friends on there was named Ken Cleveland. I really cant be sure if he was the man, I cant remember, but looking at him slightly creeped me out. Actually, it creeped me out a lot for some reason. His MySpace said he was living in Florida now.He has a page on Facebook, though its in the Boston, MA area. I don't know if its him or not, but I really got a weird creeped out feeling when I saw his face.I don't know, I'm probably going to ask my mother. Maybe, I don't know. This has just been kind of fucking with my head tonight for some reason.I don't even know how I started thinking about him. One minute I was thinking of plot points for my Angel/Leverage fic, and then BOOM. Him.I don't know...Labels: rapists, stalkers
i my me mine.
you think you know me yeah ?
My name is Mary. I'm a 24 year old creative mess. I like to tell stories in anyway that I can, though mostly through visual artwork. I enjoy film editing, writing, modeling, photography, dancing, and website design. I'm a lesbian. I'm bipolar. I'm stronger than I usually give myself credit for. I'm a recovering drug addict. I'm passionate as all hell. I'm a beautiful disaster. I want to be free. I want to
fly.
credits.
