Sunday, July 05, 2009
too pretty to be smart/a lesbian? @ 12:11 PM
I am so sick of having to explain or defend myself due to my “beauty.”
First it’s that I have to be some kind of marketing scam for Leverage because “I’m too beautiful to do all the stuff I claim to do.” CLAIM? CLAIM! Really, dude? That was putting in nicely. But basically, I’m too pretty to spend all my time writing fanfic and making fan videos and sites instead of I don’t know, going out with my non existent friends and acting a fool like most twenty two year old pretty women. Right, cause that makes sense. Thanks for stereotyping me and pretty much saying that because I’m pretty I don’t have a brain.
I’m an Aquarius, look up the fucking definition. Pretty much says I’m a loner and spend most of my time in my own head and do all this creative bullshit that usually never amounts to crap. Really. What I look like doesn’t have anything to do with what I enjoy. Maybe I’m a fucking anomaly but hell, I’m sorry. It’s just who I am.
I was thinking about making a video about that, to express my annoyance. This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten shit like that said to me on YouTube. And it’s not like I haven’t gotten ignorant letters before, I have, all the time in fact on my sapphiire channel. But for some reason I just take them so much more personally on TwentyPoundsOfCrazy. Maybe because I’m not a fucking personality, I didn’t start it for popularity or for whatever else, I started it honestly… out of love and REALLY intense boredom one day (I get bored and I need a new project lol). But TPOC is for my geeky side. For the side of me that is incredibly personal for me. So yes, I take offense that you think I’m too stupid to do it myself. That I’m just a face to draw attention. That’s ridiculous.
But on the flip side, I’m also not ignorant myself to know that the attention I get even on there isn’t partly due to how I look. I know I’m not the standard geek, and it does intrigue people I guess, or at least I’ve been told. I know if I wasn’t “beautiful” by societies standards and I still made vlogs then no, I wouldn’t get as much attention as I do. Sadly enough looks do tie into a lot, and I do accept that and capitalize on it, but I will no accept people thinking me too stupid to do the shit I work my ass off to do.
If I get the effort I’ll make a video, but who knows. With me, you never know anymore. Plus, I’d have to get myself all riled up and pissed off again. Won’t be very pretty. Informative, but not pretty. But apparently I’m hot when I’m angry, so who knows, might use that to my advantage! –eye roll-
Then…. OH AND THEN.
Nicole’s birthday party. Fun times, yay for that. We got over to another party after she gets off work, kinda a hippy party. Drums, weed, dancing, chilling. Love it. Anyway, it’s four fucking am and I’m tired so I lay down on a bench and Nicole goes off and leaves me here with this guy.
He seemed cool… until he started basically GRILLING me on my sexuality.
I mean first he was hitting on me. The whole “You look beautiful when you’re sleepy” kind of crap. I got called a “delicate flower” last night too, which made me laugh. A LOT. Anyway, so I’m like “Thanks” in that dull way that I do, and I know it sometimes makes me sound like a snob, but it’s just that I hear crap like that over and over in my life that it just gets old. So it’s more of an automatic formality. Mainly due that I don’t think anyone who ever tells me I’m beautiful does it just because they’re stating a fact or just being honestly compassionate, they’re all just doing it cause they want in my pants.
Anyway, so his friend was being nice to me earlier, and after he left this guy was basically all like “Well he’s got a woman, you shoulda been talking to me.” And of course I was like dude, I’m a celibate lesbian, no point who I talk to. And of course that brings him on this whole thing about how I “can’t be a lesbian because I’m just too beautiful.”
What does that have to do with anything? I’m sorry, are you jealous your missing out? Don’t know why, not like I get laid from anyone anyway. Not like I even want to, really.
And it’s just crap, he just kept saying shit like that, like I don’t know my own fucking sexuality all due to me being an attractive woman. Really? You’ve known me for all of fifteen minutes.
The best (aka, the worst) thing that came out of his mouth was: “I could masturbate right now sitting here talking to you.”
That was the point where I left. I’ll take a lot, but that was just… I mean who the hell says that to someone they just met? What am I supposed to say? “Thanks”? I mean, wtf?
I just don’t understand why me being pretty makes it impossible for me to be the person that I am. I’m sorry I should have been born uglier. Shit.
I don’t know… it’s just all crap really.
