Saturday, August 29, 2009
down down down @ 7:26 PM
A bottle of aspirin and a bottle of vodka. I’m so cliché it actually makes me laugh a little bit. You should see the bottle too… it looks so old school, so fucking… what they have in movies, yeah? It’s actually quite beautiful because of that. I’d film it if I had a camera.
I know better than to think I’m going to die from this. I’ll swallow a hundred of these fuckers and in actuality it would take me over three hundred pills to really die. But then again, that’s a variable, and my liver and stomach lining is already destroyed by many of these nights. But I like that, leaving it up to fate. Will I? Won’t I?
It’s always fun to see what happens. You know what I just found too? My lithium. Aha. They gave this to me back in March. It’s sad I never take pills except to fuck up my brain just a little bit more. This is why my memory is shit. People really think I joke about how bad my memory is, when it truth its fucked to hell and I’m sure nights like this are the cause. Destroying the tissue… disintegrating all the mundane things like names and places…
Mundane for me anyway.
I hate doing this though, always makes me sick. I know that’s a funny thing to say, but I’m serious. Me and pills have had a spotty past, so even trying to swallow them makes me gag a little. But if I do throw up, *if* I do, might be soon honestly, fuck knows. Then again who knows what my stomach can handle anymore. I’m also sitting here eating popcorn and sunchips and watching Skins.
Probably the most boring, unpoetic suicide attempt I’ve ever had. Because that’s what everyone will classify this as anyway. When in reality I just like dancing with fate and running away from everything. I’ve only done 25 so far, but its already getting me sick. 17 asperin and 8 lithium. I always count when I do this, I like to see how high I can go. I’ve only reached 40 pills before I start vomiting or pass out though. We’ll see.
I think I’m just sick though cause I’m eating an awful lot right now. But then again, maybe it’ll slow it down from eating away the stomach lining? You know I bleed in my stomach sometimes? I think this is why. Hm.
I don’t know, I’ve never eaten when I’m done this. Never watched tv either. This is very fun, calming, relaxing.
It’ll be a good night ^_^
Unless I end up at the hospital or something, then that will suck. Last time they stuck a tube up my nose and down my throat, and THAT, my friends, is true pain and horror.
Gonna go watch more Skins now.
Labels: pills and such
