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Aw, guys, I’m so sad that “Sugarloaf” is over. That went by way too quickly.

It’s so weird, finally when I feel completely comfortable and I fit in and I’m having so much fun… it’s just over. Man, but it’s like… addicting, being on set. God, that’s what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to be in that business. It’s just so fucking fascinating, I really mean that. And it’s odd for me to go to work and just… fuck, love it like that. I’ve never had a job I went to that I loved. That even though I’m functioning on barely any sleep, jacked up on Redbull for twelve hours, I’m still happy.

You know, my friend told me this would change my life. I’m starting to think he’s right. God, I am so pumped now for the movie in April. Move the fuck over Shreveport, Mary’s coming through. LOL. Okay that was lame, but hey. I’m giddy at the moment.

So yeah, today I could get to set and back on my own and I that was a huge relief because I hate relying on other people. I was actually supposed to work yesterday, Paul, the producer, emailed me last night and was like “Where were you?!” and that was all Patrick, the casting director’s, fault cause he told me I was off. So yeah. I had Paul texting me last night to make sure I was coming in today, and Pete too… who I believe was one of the ADs. I think.

So yeah. Five hours of sleep, get on Marta and get my ass to downtown Atlanta. We all met in the Hilton, which was where we had lunch, but we were filming in a bar down the street. There was 75 extras today for one four page scene. We were all cramped in a little room which I think was the “VIP section”. Anyway, this day was completely the best day ever cause we were working the entire day. It’s so much better when you are, cause downtime makes me wanna take a flippin’ nap.

So yeah, Pete came over and was intensely nice to me today, I’m not sure why. I mean he knew who I was the other days, but we never really talked. He was all “Hey, how are you? Got your text last night. How’s [so and so – edited for, well, just because I am], haven’t seen him in forever… yada yada.” Maybe he finally put my face to my name, I’m not sure. But yeah, he was much more pleasant today. He was kind of a screaming-oriented man during the hospital scenes LOL. But that's his job.

Uh… right. So I’m at the bar. Pete gives me HELLA stage directions. Talk to one guy for a minute, then go over to the other side of the bar and say hi to someone, then come back, a couple comes up and we talk a bit, then me and the first guy cross behind the actors and go all the way back around again back to our original spot. So the first time we did this take, when I go over the guy I was supposed to just say hi to on the other end of the bar, somehow it turned into drunk flirty sluttiness. It was so great, really it was. Both of us got really into it, and apparently we were amusing the other extras. Someone complimented me on my acting (which hi, I never even knew I could, at least not well enough to get complimented on it) and then another guy came up to me and was like “GIRL, I LOVE YOU! You are being such a little slut over there and it is freaking FABULOUS.” You can guess his sexual orientation lol. He was sweet xD

So yeah, eventually it turned into the first guy being my boyfriend, and I leave him to go drunk flirt with that other guy, then when I come back we have a little couples fight and I storm off and he follows, which is how we crossed behind the actors. I have to say, it’s so much better when you actually have some kind of story, even though I’m sure you’ll only see me in the scene very briefly in the background.

Uh, somewhere in the middle of all that I get to say hi and talk with Paul for a little bit. He seems to really like me, which is good, cause my friend told me that I like, for serious need to get his approval. It’s kind of vital for me to be hired on for other projects.

Went out for a cigarette break at one point, and one of the actors, Carlos Gómez, came out and had one with me. Just bullshit talked for a bit, then I was like “You were on Charmed, right?” and we joked a bit about how he’s gonna go all demon again and kill off everyone. I don’t know, LOL. It was amusing for a bit. But see? That’s what I meant before about the actors and having an entirely different air when you’re on set. Everyone is just people. It’s really nice.

So yeah. Um, near the end of the day the bartender apparently decides I’m the hottest fucking thing since sliced bread. While in the middle of a scene he came up to me and started whispering. Which, first of all, we are not supposed to whisper. We’re supposed to fake talk. So you know what the first thing he says to me is? “You look kinky, have you ever been a dominatrix?” And I thought he was shitting me, just trying to fuck with me, so I let it go. Then for like three scenes after that he kept coming up to me, while we’re FUCKING filming, and whispering about how he wants to have hot kinky dom/sub sex with me. I told him I’m a lesbian, but this mother fucker just couldn’t take a hint.

Okay, I don’t like to be the tattle tale. But everyone could see how much it was bothering me, so they told me to go tell someone. So I get Paul and explain the situation, and he got kinda pissed. He was like “That’s so wrong, so inappropriate, I’m sorry.” So I run away while apparently he went the fuck off on this dude in front of everyone and fired him. I came back and so many people ran up to me and was like “Oh my god, what happened? What was he saying to you? I’m so glad you told someone,” and all that.

I feel kind of bad for getting him fired, but we were there to work. This isn’t a fucking date line, mother fucker. And I sure as hell ain’t gonna go on one with you.

But yeah, fun day. Tried to find Pete and Paul before I left, but the guy I got fired was still there, glaring at me like nobody’s freaking business, so I high tailed it out of there to get away from him. Texted them both my thanks though.

Sigh. Back to hideous stripping work for the next couple months… then the real fun begins.

Labels: sugarloaf

The last two days I have been working on the pilot for the A&E show Sugarloaf.

Yeah, I don’t know what’s up with the name either. I didn’t ask. I’m sure it’ll make sense though, haha. I just know barely anything about the show. It’s a cop show… I think. Well, the main guy is a cop, who I guess moved from Chicago to Miami. And yeah, that is where my knowledge of the show ends, seeing as that’s all there is on IMDB. Though from what I can gather he’s got a thing for the female lead. But hey, no shock there. Haha. Especially no shock seeing as she doesn’t seem all that interested.

The main guy… I swear I’ve seen him in something before but I can’t think of it, even scanning IMBD. The female lead apparently was on “Lost” for a couple of episodes, but I don’t watch that show. Really petite little thing. Very pretty. And there’s a guy that plays a doctor (I think?) who I recognized from “Charmed” like from wayyy back in the day. He was the demon cop that killed Andy in I think the… er… first season finale? Second? Something.

It’s kind of nice to be around actors who aren’t all… I don’t know. You know like during conventions they’re all “special” and shit? They always have that air about them that makes them seem way cooler or something. Ha. I know that sounds weird, but I’m being serious. Like the actors are afraid to go up to “normal” people, or mingle in normal public. Which I mean, I still consider myself that, normal public, I mean, hello, so it was nice to not have them, I don’t know, be all snobbish and shit. But yeah, it’s not like that on set. You’re working, they’re working, and honestly you barely even look twice at the people cause you’re doing your own shit. It’s a much calmer environment. I did get to see them act once though, which was cool to watch. I was supposed to be in the scene, but my cue to walk on wasn’t until much later and it turned out they didn’t need me when the scene ended, so I got to stand on the sidelines and watch. So that was fun.

So right. Saturday I wake up at five fucking o’clock in the morning to be on set at six thirty. Cue me dying a little bit. I was nervous like hell, but I guess you always get nervous on the first day of a job. I actually walked right into it today though and felt totally comfortable, so that was good. Usually it takes me awhile to feel alright in a new environment, but I think that mainly had to do with our AWESOME PA, Tarryn. She really was the bomb. So nice. I can’t believe she really remembered all of our names, I don’t think I could ever do that. I’m horrible with names. Faces I can do, but names? Ha. No.

I was used in the first scene they did on Saturday; one in the emergency waiting room. Doubt you can see my face, I was behind a pillar, and while the main actor guy walked in behind me, I don’t think there was a camera set up there. But I just read my little brochure about, hell, what was it? I think it was an elderly home. HAHA. Not joking. Anyway, if the pilot does get picked up, maybe you’ll see my legs. Wooo my legs. ROFL.

I already knew when I came in I most likely wouldn’t be a nurse or a doctor. For one: way too young. For two: my look? Not the most professional. So I was a visitor each day. Kinda annoyed I dyed my hair for this though… clearly I didn’t need to seeing as one girl today came in with red, blonde, and black hair and tattoos all over her. So yeah. Fail. I’m mad at my hair right now.

If I’ve learned one thing though, its that I never, ever want to be an actor. HAHA. Just… hell no. Too repetitive, and being an extra blows with all the downtime. When I work I like to actually work. I can’t sit around all day, it drives me insane. You know how many episodes of Leverage I watched on my laptop during down time? A lot. Tried to write a little bit but I can’t get into it when theres a million other people around. I just can’t focus and get inside my THE (because hell, I steal the bitches) character’s heads.

But when you’re actually there doing something, it’s amazing. You know, you never actually realize how much work is put into one tiny freaking scene. I mean, this shit is crazy. With props and specific directions for the extras and god… haha… what they did outside? It’s supposed to be Florida, so they brought a bunch of palm trees, SPRAY PAINTED THE DEAD GRASS GREEN, planted flowers… I mean shit. They just went off with all of that. It was nuts. Kind of amusing seeing a bunch of green palm trees around one damn dead, pathetic looking tree xD

Uh, yeah, so anyway. The original plan of this little outing was to learn how to be a PA. Unfortunately, they shot more days then they were planning in Florida, so less here, so the producer, Paul, didn’t need me to be a PA anymore and just gave me work as an extra. He also has worked on Leverage, by the way. Which is kind of how I got this job. Kind of. It’s… okay, not complicated, but I just won’t go into it. One day I’m sure you all will realize, but that day will probably be in er… hm. I give it four months. That is if you can put two and two together LOL. Honestly I really don’t talk about a lot of the shit that has to do with Leverage, just cause of … everything. And man, especially not after this week! Leverage fans can be downright mean to me, but I’ll get into that later.

Met someone else that worked on Leverage too. Michael, I believe. I don’t remember what he did for the show, but he’s going back to film season three I guess. It was funny, cause he apparently thought I would be there too, just cause of how I got this job, but no. I have been told explicitly that I am never allowed to work on Leverage. And you know what? I’m really okay with that. Leverage is my fandom; I don’t want it to be work. It’s my fun place. I mean, I’d love to see it be filmed maybe ONCE, but just from a behind the scenes standpoint. But that’s a whole other story.

Plus, if I worked on Leverage, I can’t even begin to imagine how much shit I would get from some of the fans. It really bugs me, honestly. Okay… hell, I’ll go into this now. So yeah, ya’ll remember Dean being all OMG I HAVE SCISSORS AND I WILL CHOP OFF CHRISTIAN KANE’S BEAUTIFUL MANE [INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE]? Well I told Christian that I might have to do another protest video, and he DMed me on Twitter and told me I should do it (and you know, part of me thinks he was in this all along with Dean… sneaky people. I’m so a PAWN for drama, apparently xD) So I did it, and he said thanks to me and then RTed it on HIS Twitter… and while I got a lot of positive feedback, a few “man that bitch is crazy” (which, I’ll take, cause I am)… there was some people that were just downright horrible about it. Someone basically called me a hussy, or a slut, or whatever, another was like “wow that girl has no fucking life” and just… all this crap that, yeah, actually hurt my feelings.

I get jealousy. Trust me, I do. I’m a jealous person, but I keep everything to myself (then again, I’m into self torture, so hmph). And I get HELLA jealous when it comes to Beth. And it sucks cause people like to brag about the time they’ve spent with her to me. Which I mean, yeah, in some ways I want to know just cause I’d like to get a feel for her before I meet her myself. Which, thus far, looks like I’m not gonna get annoyed or pissed off by her, so that’s a plus LOL (and apparently everyone gets the “I like women” vibe from her as well, which hi, I so never needed to know that, really. Don’t encourage me, it’s just mean lol). I get weary of diva like behavior, only cause I’m the type to SAY something about it to their face, and I’m sure that would get me in trouble. But apparently she ain’t like that at all. But yeah, I mean, I GET that. I get jealous as hell and I stomp around and pout (metaphorically) because my five year old brain thinks it’s not fair because I’m like, whatever, her biggest fan or something. Most noticeable one, anyway. But you know what? Life isn’t fucking fair, and that’s why I don’t pitch a bitch fit to people over it. I’m nice, I listen, I’m GLAD for them. And in the end, I just hope I come out with a better story LOL.

Though, to be fair, I have a lot of bragging rights with Beth already and I have yet to even meet her, but it’s all shit I really don’t feel like I should share with… any of you. Sorry. There’s a lot of stuff in this fandom I just don’t ever fucking talk about. Mainly for my own piece of mind.

I just don’t understand why people can be mean to other people about something as stupid as that though. It wasn’t like Christian got down on one knee and asked me to fuckin’ marry him. He RTed my freaking video. And that’s cause to hate my life? Jeez. And me? I’m the type of person to get pissed off, say something, and hell I’ll throw down if you want, but at the end of the day I go home and cry myself to sleep. That’s just who I am. I’m used to hate and people talking shit when I was Sapphire Smoke, got that twenty times a fucking day on the sapphiire channel, but hell, that comes with the territory. My fandom is my safe place, you guys. It was just a slap in the face for that to happen. But moving on from THAT drama and back on topic…

Uh, right. Saturday. I ended up getting horrible stomach cramps halfway through the day, but I didn’t have to work anymore. Just more downtime. Though sitting around with stomach cramps blows monkey nuts. I could barely enjoy my damn lunch (which was fabulous, by the way) cause I was hurting so bad. Anyway, the day ended, Nicole decided that she wasn’t going to pick me up, so when I called my sister she said she would, but when I called back Nicole picked up and told me hell no. So I was like wtf bitch and was really pissed off because Marta, the bus and train thingie… yeah, it doesn’t GO in that area. I had no money for a cab, hell, I have thirteen dollars to my name right now until work on Wednesday. THIRTEEN. I can’t get to work on that either, and will have to beg Nicole for a ride. Lord.

So this woman, Hattie, says she’ll drive me to Five Points and I’ll get the train and then a bus from there. Turns out she’s a actress/director/producer, and is doing a bunch of things in Atlanta and wants to get me on board. She’s got a couple small time TV series she does, and hell, that would be AWESOME. She was really fucking cool, took me home today too. We’re gonna get together after the holidays and I’m gonna teach her how to use Final Cut Pro and Sony Vegas cause she wants to learn how to edit her own stuff.

Anyway, today, call time was 8:45am. Which wasn’t bad, though I didn’t sleep very well. But after the whole hour of GOD I HATE THE WORLD, it was actually nice to be up and doing shit during the day time. Honestly, working a twelve hour day and coming home to just chill for a couple hours before bed? God, I LOVE it. And it’s so screwed up, because right now I have no time to do any fandom stuff, which is what I do with my fucking LIFE. But it’s so damn rewarding to go to a REAL job and just… WORK. You guys have no fucking idea how happy it makes me. I was so damn NICE to my cats when I got home LOL. Usually I walk in the door and they’re attention deprived (the spoiled bastards) and are all over me and I’m like GO THE FUCK AWAY, YOU’RE ANNOYING! Though to be fair, half the time I’m fucking drunk lol.

The only scene I was in today was one that was done outside. Hi, it’s 35 freaking degrees out, and we’re all in tank tops and shorts cause it’s “Florida”. I was paired with two other girls that couldn’t have been more than twenty. Both of them were just there just because, I don’t know, they had nothing better to do that day? They were nice and all, we got along, but when it came time to roll? Okay, that scene took two hours. Lots of different shots to do; normal, wide, close ups, yada yada. We’re running back and forth resetting every ten minutes. After, hell, a half an hour, they’re bitching up a storm. “Oh my god, aren’t we done yet? It’s COLD!” Of course it’s cold, Jesus. But you’re getting paid to fucking stand out here in the cold, so just fucking do it.

And okay, honestly, how hard is it to fake talk? To fake having a conversation? These girls couldn’t do it to save their pretty little necks. And we cross right behind the actors, definitely getting into the shot, and I’m attempting to make this look somewhat realistic by pretending to talk to them and they just… ugh, fail at life. They were so still and nodded weird and it was just GOD. So yeah, that annoyed me. I don’t know, maybe it was cause I was fucking ESTASTIC to be there, to be doing the scene, SOMETHING, and they just couldn’t give a crap less. Why couldn’t I have been paired with any of the many aspiring actors? I mean, really. I don’t want to act, I don’t like to act, but hell, I can do it decently. Stripping is all about acting (well, lying, really LOL), and modeling is all about acting without speaking.

Right. Anyway. So we had a nice, full, twelve hour day. Yay. Though for ten hours I was basically doing nothing, which sucked. I can’t stress that enough. Boredom, me, hello. Also, I’ve realized I need to put Leverage episodes on my freaking phone. LOL

So I mainly watched Tarryn and what she was doing, since that’s gonna be my job come April. And really, though she basically got bossed around and yelled at all damn day… fucking I can do that. I can do that hardcore lol. Yell at me all you want, just give me something to do! lol.

I’m probably gonna be working Tuesday, but I don’t know yet. It’ll be a bar scene, and HOPEFULLY it’ll be in Atlanta, so I can take the damn bus. But yeah, this is a wicked awesome experience, and I am SOOOO grateful to my friend who set me up with this opportunity.

This is wicked long, so I guess I’ll stop now. Comments? Questions? (OMG, DAVID, FLORIDA TRIP! Hahahaha…. Okay to the rest of you, that was an inside joke to my brother LOL. Nvm)

Labels: beth riesgraf, christian kane, drama, jealousy, leverage, sugarloaf, work

Aw, guys, I’m so sad that “Sugarloaf” is over. That went by way too quickly.

It’s so weird, finally when I feel completely comfortable and I fit in and I’m having so much fun… it’s just over. Man, but it’s like… addicting, being on set. God, that’s what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to be in that business. It’s just so fucking fascinating, I really mean that. And it’s odd for me to go to work and just… fuck, love it like that. I’ve never had a job I went to that I loved. That even though I’m functioning on barely any sleep, jacked up on Redbull for twelve hours, I’m still happy.

You know, my friend told me this would change my life. I’m starting to think he’s right. God, I am so pumped now for the movie in April. Move the fuck over Shreveport, Mary’s coming through. LOL. Okay that was lame, but hey. I’m giddy at the moment.

So yeah, today I could get to set and back on my own and I that was a huge relief because I hate relying on other people. I was actually supposed to work yesterday, Paul, the producer, emailed me last night and was like “Where were you?!” and that was all Patrick, the casting director’s, fault cause he told me I was off. So yeah. I had Paul texting me last night to make sure I was coming in today, and Pete too… who I believe was one of the ADs. I think.

So yeah. Five hours of sleep, get on Marta and get my ass to downtown Atlanta. We all met in the Hilton, which was where we had lunch, but we were filming in a bar down the street. There was 75 extras today for one four page scene. We were all cramped in a little room which I think was the “VIP section”. Anyway, this day was completely the best day ever cause we were working the entire day. It’s so much better when you are, cause downtime makes me wanna take a flippin’ nap.

So yeah, Pete came over and was intensely nice to me today, I’m not sure why. I mean he knew who I was the other days, but we never really talked. He was all “Hey, how are you? Got your text last night. How’s [so and so – edited for, well, just because I am], haven’t seen him in forever… yada yada.” Maybe he finally put my face to my name, I’m not sure. But yeah, he was much more pleasant today. He was kind of a screaming-oriented man during the hospital scenes LOL. But that's his job.

Uh… right. So I’m at the bar. Pete gives me HELLA stage directions. Talk to one guy for a minute, then go over to the other side of the bar and say hi to someone, then come back, a couple comes up and we talk a bit, then me and the first guy cross behind the actors and go all the way back around again back to our original spot. So the first time we did this take, when I go over the guy I was supposed to just say hi to on the other end of the bar, somehow it turned into drunk flirty sluttiness. It was so great, really it was. Both of us got really into it, and apparently we were amusing the other extras. Someone complimented me on my acting (which hi, I never even knew I could, at least not well enough to get complimented on it) and then another guy came up to me and was like “GIRL, I LOVE YOU! You are being such a little slut over there and it is freaking FABULOUS.” You can guess his sexual orientation lol. He was sweet xD

So yeah, eventually it turned into the first guy being my boyfriend, and I leave him to go drunk flirt with that other guy, then when I come back we have a little couples fight and I storm off and he follows, which is how we crossed behind the actors. I have to say, it’s so much better when you actually have some kind of story, even though I’m sure you’ll only see me in the scene very briefly in the background.

Uh, somewhere in the middle of all that I get to say hi and talk with Paul for a little bit. He seems to really like me, which is good, cause my friend told me that I like, for serious need to get his approval. It’s kind of vital for me to be hired on for other projects.

Went out for a cigarette break at one point, and one of the actors, Carlos Gómez, came out and had one with me. Just bullshit talked for a bit, then I was like “You were on Charmed, right?” and we joked a bit about how he’s gonna go all demon again and kill off everyone. I don’t know, LOL. It was amusing for a bit. But see? That’s what I meant before about the actors and having an entirely different air when you’re on set. Everyone is just people. It’s really nice.

So yeah. Um, near the end of the day the bartender apparently decides I’m the hottest fucking thing since sliced bread. While in the middle of a scene he came up to me and started whispering. Which, first of all, we are not supposed to whisper. We’re supposed to fake talk. So you know what the first thing he says to me is? “You look kinky, have you ever been a dominatrix?” And I thought he was shitting me, just trying to fuck with me, so I let it go. Then for like three scenes after that he kept coming up to me, while we’re FUCKING filming, and whispering about how he wants to have hot kinky dom/sub sex with me. I told him I’m a lesbian, but this mother fucker just couldn’t take a hint.

Okay, I don’t like to be the tattle tale. But everyone could see how much it was bothering me, so they told me to go tell someone. So I get Paul and explain the situation, and he got kinda pissed. He was like “That’s so wrong, so inappropriate, I’m sorry.” So I run away while apparently he went the fuck off on this dude in front of everyone and fired him. I came back and so many people ran up to me and was like “Oh my god, what happened? What was he saying to you? I’m so glad you told someone,” and all that.

I feel kind of bad for getting him fired, but we were there to work. This isn’t a fucking date line, mother fucker. And I sure as hell ain’t gonna go on one with you.

But yeah, fun day. Tried to find Pete and Paul before I left, but the guy I got fired was still there, glaring at me like nobody’s freaking business, so I high tailed it out of there to get away from him. Texted them both my thanks though.

Sigh. Back to hideous stripping work for the next couple months… then the real fun begins.

Labels: sugarloaf

The last two days I have been working on the pilot for the A&E show Sugarloaf.

Yeah, I don’t know what’s up with the name either. I didn’t ask. I’m sure it’ll make sense though, haha. I just know barely anything about the show. It’s a cop show… I think. Well, the main guy is a cop, who I guess moved from Chicago to Miami. And yeah, that is where my knowledge of the show ends, seeing as that’s all there is on IMDB. Though from what I can gather he’s got a thing for the female lead. But hey, no shock there. Haha. Especially no shock seeing as she doesn’t seem all that interested.

The main guy… I swear I’ve seen him in something before but I can’t think of it, even scanning IMBD. The female lead apparently was on “Lost” for a couple of episodes, but I don’t watch that show. Really petite little thing. Very pretty. And there’s a guy that plays a doctor (I think?) who I recognized from “Charmed” like from wayyy back in the day. He was the demon cop that killed Andy in I think the… er… first season finale? Second? Something.

It’s kind of nice to be around actors who aren’t all… I don’t know. You know like during conventions they’re all “special” and shit? They always have that air about them that makes them seem way cooler or something. Ha. I know that sounds weird, but I’m being serious. Like the actors are afraid to go up to “normal” people, or mingle in normal public. Which I mean, I still consider myself that, normal public, I mean, hello, so it was nice to not have them, I don’t know, be all snobbish and shit. But yeah, it’s not like that on set. You’re working, they’re working, and honestly you barely even look twice at the people cause you’re doing your own shit. It’s a much calmer environment. I did get to see them act once though, which was cool to watch. I was supposed to be in the scene, but my cue to walk on wasn’t until much later and it turned out they didn’t need me when the scene ended, so I got to stand on the sidelines and watch. So that was fun.

So right. Saturday I wake up at five fucking o’clock in the morning to be on set at six thirty. Cue me dying a little bit. I was nervous like hell, but I guess you always get nervous on the first day of a job. I actually walked right into it today though and felt totally comfortable, so that was good. Usually it takes me awhile to feel alright in a new environment, but I think that mainly had to do with our AWESOME PA, Tarryn. She really was the bomb. So nice. I can’t believe she really remembered all of our names, I don’t think I could ever do that. I’m horrible with names. Faces I can do, but names? Ha. No.

I was used in the first scene they did on Saturday; one in the emergency waiting room. Doubt you can see my face, I was behind a pillar, and while the main actor guy walked in behind me, I don’t think there was a camera set up there. But I just read my little brochure about, hell, what was it? I think it was an elderly home. HAHA. Not joking. Anyway, if the pilot does get picked up, maybe you’ll see my legs. Wooo my legs. ROFL.

I already knew when I came in I most likely wouldn’t be a nurse or a doctor. For one: way too young. For two: my look? Not the most professional. So I was a visitor each day. Kinda annoyed I dyed my hair for this though… clearly I didn’t need to seeing as one girl today came in with red, blonde, and black hair and tattoos all over her. So yeah. Fail. I’m mad at my hair right now.

If I’ve learned one thing though, its that I never, ever want to be an actor. HAHA. Just… hell no. Too repetitive, and being an extra blows with all the downtime. When I work I like to actually work. I can’t sit around all day, it drives me insane. You know how many episodes of Leverage I watched on my laptop during down time? A lot. Tried to write a little bit but I can’t get into it when theres a million other people around. I just can’t focus and get inside my THE (because hell, I steal the bitches) character’s heads.

But when you’re actually there doing something, it’s amazing. You know, you never actually realize how much work is put into one tiny freaking scene. I mean, this shit is crazy. With props and specific directions for the extras and god… haha… what they did outside? It’s supposed to be Florida, so they brought a bunch of palm trees, SPRAY PAINTED THE DEAD GRASS GREEN, planted flowers… I mean shit. They just went off with all of that. It was nuts. Kind of amusing seeing a bunch of green palm trees around one damn dead, pathetic looking tree xD

Uh, yeah, so anyway. The original plan of this little outing was to learn how to be a PA. Unfortunately, they shot more days then they were planning in Florida, so less here, so the producer, Paul, didn’t need me to be a PA anymore and just gave me work as an extra. He also has worked on Leverage, by the way. Which is kind of how I got this job. Kind of. It’s… okay, not complicated, but I just won’t go into it. One day I’m sure you all will realize, but that day will probably be in er… hm. I give it four months. That is if you can put two and two together LOL. Honestly I really don’t talk about a lot of the shit that has to do with Leverage, just cause of … everything. And man, especially not after this week! Leverage fans can be downright mean to me, but I’ll get into that later.

Met someone else that worked on Leverage too. Michael, I believe. I don’t remember what he did for the show, but he’s going back to film season three I guess. It was funny, cause he apparently thought I would be there too, just cause of how I got this job, but no. I have been told explicitly that I am never allowed to work on Leverage. And you know what? I’m really okay with that. Leverage is my fandom; I don’t want it to be work. It’s my fun place. I mean, I’d love to see it be filmed maybe ONCE, but just from a behind the scenes standpoint. But that’s a whole other story.

Plus, if I worked on Leverage, I can’t even begin to imagine how much shit I would get from some of the fans. It really bugs me, honestly. Okay… hell, I’ll go into this now. So yeah, ya’ll remember Dean being all OMG I HAVE SCISSORS AND I WILL CHOP OFF CHRISTIAN KANE’S BEAUTIFUL MANE [INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE]? Well I told Christian that I might have to do another protest video, and he DMed me on Twitter and told me I should do it (and you know, part of me thinks he was in this all along with Dean… sneaky people. I’m so a PAWN for drama, apparently xD) So I did it, and he said thanks to me and then RTed it on HIS Twitter… and while I got a lot of positive feedback, a few “man that bitch is crazy” (which, I’ll take, cause I am)… there was some people that were just downright horrible about it. Someone basically called me a hussy, or a slut, or whatever, another was like “wow that girl has no fucking life” and just… all this crap that, yeah, actually hurt my feelings.

I get jealousy. Trust me, I do. I’m a jealous person, but I keep everything to myself (then again, I’m into self torture, so hmph). And I get HELLA jealous when it comes to Beth. And it sucks cause people like to brag about the time they’ve spent with her to me. Which I mean, yeah, in some ways I want to know just cause I’d like to get a feel for her before I meet her myself. Which, thus far, looks like I’m not gonna get annoyed or pissed off by her, so that’s a plus LOL (and apparently everyone gets the “I like women” vibe from her as well, which hi, I so never needed to know that, really. Don’t encourage me, it’s just mean lol). I get weary of diva like behavior, only cause I’m the type to SAY something about it to their face, and I’m sure that would get me in trouble. But apparently she ain’t like that at all. But yeah, I mean, I GET that. I get jealous as hell and I stomp around and pout (metaphorically) because my five year old brain thinks it’s not fair because I’m like, whatever, her biggest fan or something. Most noticeable one, anyway. But you know what? Life isn’t fucking fair, and that’s why I don’t pitch a bitch fit to people over it. I’m nice, I listen, I’m GLAD for them. And in the end, I just hope I come out with a better story LOL.

Though, to be fair, I have a lot of bragging rights with Beth already and I have yet to even meet her, but it’s all shit I really don’t feel like I should share with… any of you. Sorry. There’s a lot of stuff in this fandom I just don’t ever fucking talk about. Mainly for my own piece of mind.

I just don’t understand why people can be mean to other people about something as stupid as that though. It wasn’t like Christian got down on one knee and asked me to fuckin’ marry him. He RTed my freaking video. And that’s cause to hate my life? Jeez. And me? I’m the type of person to get pissed off, say something, and hell I’ll throw down if you want, but at the end of the day I go home and cry myself to sleep. That’s just who I am. I’m used to hate and people talking shit when I was Sapphire Smoke, got that twenty times a fucking day on the sapphiire channel, but hell, that comes with the territory. My fandom is my safe place, you guys. It was just a slap in the face for that to happen. But moving on from THAT drama and back on topic…

Uh, right. Saturday. I ended up getting horrible stomach cramps halfway through the day, but I didn’t have to work anymore. Just more downtime. Though sitting around with stomach cramps blows monkey nuts. I could barely enjoy my damn lunch (which was fabulous, by the way) cause I was hurting so bad. Anyway, the day ended, Nicole decided that she wasn’t going to pick me up, so when I called my sister she said she would, but when I called back Nicole picked up and told me hell no. So I was like wtf bitch and was really pissed off because Marta, the bus and train thingie… yeah, it doesn’t GO in that area. I had no money for a cab, hell, I have thirteen dollars to my name right now until work on Wednesday. THIRTEEN. I can’t get to work on that either, and will have to beg Nicole for a ride. Lord.

So this woman, Hattie, says she’ll drive me to Five Points and I’ll get the train and then a bus from there. Turns out she’s a actress/director/producer, and is doing a bunch of things in Atlanta and wants to get me on board. She’s got a couple small time TV series she does, and hell, that would be AWESOME. She was really fucking cool, took me home today too. We’re gonna get together after the holidays and I’m gonna teach her how to use Final Cut Pro and Sony Vegas cause she wants to learn how to edit her own stuff.

Anyway, today, call time was 8:45am. Which wasn’t bad, though I didn’t sleep very well. But after the whole hour of GOD I HATE THE WORLD, it was actually nice to be up and doing shit during the day time. Honestly, working a twelve hour day and coming home to just chill for a couple hours before bed? God, I LOVE it. And it’s so screwed up, because right now I have no time to do any fandom stuff, which is what I do with my fucking LIFE. But it’s so damn rewarding to go to a REAL job and just… WORK. You guys have no fucking idea how happy it makes me. I was so damn NICE to my cats when I got home LOL. Usually I walk in the door and they’re attention deprived (the spoiled bastards) and are all over me and I’m like GO THE FUCK AWAY, YOU’RE ANNOYING! Though to be fair, half the time I’m fucking drunk lol.

The only scene I was in today was one that was done outside. Hi, it’s 35 freaking degrees out, and we’re all in tank tops and shorts cause it’s “Florida”. I was paired with two other girls that couldn’t have been more than twenty. Both of them were just there just because, I don’t know, they had nothing better to do that day? They were nice and all, we got along, but when it came time to roll? Okay, that scene took two hours. Lots of different shots to do; normal, wide, close ups, yada yada. We’re running back and forth resetting every ten minutes. After, hell, a half an hour, they’re bitching up a storm. “Oh my god, aren’t we done yet? It’s COLD!” Of course it’s cold, Jesus. But you’re getting paid to fucking stand out here in the cold, so just fucking do it.

And okay, honestly, how hard is it to fake talk? To fake having a conversation? These girls couldn’t do it to save their pretty little necks. And we cross right behind the actors, definitely getting into the shot, and I’m attempting to make this look somewhat realistic by pretending to talk to them and they just… ugh, fail at life. They were so still and nodded weird and it was just GOD. So yeah, that annoyed me. I don’t know, maybe it was cause I was fucking ESTASTIC to be there, to be doing the scene, SOMETHING, and they just couldn’t give a crap less. Why couldn’t I have been paired with any of the many aspiring actors? I mean, really. I don’t want to act, I don’t like to act, but hell, I can do it decently. Stripping is all about acting (well, lying, really LOL), and modeling is all about acting without speaking.

Right. Anyway. So we had a nice, full, twelve hour day. Yay. Though for ten hours I was basically doing nothing, which sucked. I can’t stress that enough. Boredom, me, hello. Also, I’ve realized I need to put Leverage episodes on my freaking phone. LOL

So I mainly watched Tarryn and what she was doing, since that’s gonna be my job come April. And really, though she basically got bossed around and yelled at all damn day… fucking I can do that. I can do that hardcore lol. Yell at me all you want, just give me something to do! lol.

I’m probably gonna be working Tuesday, but I don’t know yet. It’ll be a bar scene, and HOPEFULLY it’ll be in Atlanta, so I can take the damn bus. But yeah, this is a wicked awesome experience, and I am SOOOO grateful to my friend who set me up with this opportunity.

This is wicked long, so I guess I’ll stop now. Comments? Questions? (OMG, DAVID, FLORIDA TRIP! Hahahaha…. Okay to the rest of you, that was an inside joke to my brother LOL. Nvm)

Labels: beth riesgraf, christian kane, drama, jealousy, leverage, sugarloaf, work

My name is Mary. I'm a 24 year old creative mess. I like to tell stories in anyway that I can, though mostly through visual artwork. I enjoy film editing, writing, modeling, photography, dancing, and website design. I'm a lesbian. I'm bipolar. I'm stronger than I usually give myself credit for. I'm a recovering drug addict. I'm passionate as all hell. I'm a beautiful disaster. I want to be free. I want to fly.

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