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The Closer was fabulous last night, like expected. I'm so glad it's back, Brenda's my fucking hero. I mean seriously, I strive to have that much power and bitchiness. Really, I do. No joke.

Of course I watched the series premiere of "Trust Me", because, well, I watch anything and everything on TNT. It wasn't bad, it had it moments, but it didn't make me go all OMG WHAT A FABULOUS FUCKING SHOW. At least, not yet. But than again, neither did Leverage after it's first episode. I usually tend to give TV shows at least three watches until I totally give up and realize it's not for me, or begin to start watching them every week.

Connor was funny. I did enjoy him. However, I totally loved the guy at the beginning to who died (I can't remember for the life of me his character name - but he totally played Bill Krolic (sp?) - the guy who liked to murder people from burning them from the inside out - on The Closer in the first and second season LOL.) Seriously, I saw him and was all OMG! BILL KROLIC! xD My Closer obession is worse than I imagined... which seriously, reminds me I need to buy the third season on DVD. I don't know why I have yet to do that. Probably due to the fact that I haven't had a credit card in god knows how long now. Anyway, my point was, I'm sad he got killed off within the first like, 15 minutes, because he was great. Such a ruthless dick head. It was lovely.

Now, excuse me while I toot my own awesome horn for like, half a second.

So, I finish my Parker/Sophie fanfiction last night. Sixteen chapters, over 25k words. But no, that's not why I'm awesome.

See, I was still in the mood to write this morning, but couldn't find a plot bunny to save my fucking life. Then suddenly the idea hit me with the seven deadly sins, and then I realized it'd be pretty damn badass if I made a short story for each of the deadly sins each with a different pairing.

Seriously, I think people should do this kind of prompt for every fandom. I really believe it's genius LOL.

The Seven Deadly Sins = Epic Pwning

Anyway, in further news regarding THAT... I wrote boyslash for the first time AND I wrote NC-17 Het for the first time.

Be proud, be very proud xD

I told ya'll I'd end up writing Parker/Eliot sex. Srsly. It wasn't as bad as I thought imagining it it - because you, or at least I, have to visualise everything I write before I write it to describe it accuratly - but I think that's just because I've actually participated in that act a few times in my life. I doubt I could ever write boyslash sex - I have no expirence when it comes to that HAHA.

Anyway, this is the first time I've written this many different pairings for a fandom. And hell, even pairings I don't enjoy. Like, anything that involves Nathan. He makes me squirm LOL. He's too "daddy"... you know? Like, him paired with anyone except Sophie (and hell, sometimes even Sophie) to me makes me feel like it's dirty xD

But some of the sins matched something in regards to him so... yeah, he's in there. Though, I did enjoy writing him and Sophie, because while I don't like the pairing because Sophie's a winey bitch and Nathan has half a brain cell when it comes to that sort of stuff, I was able to get out my frustration about it, because they were "anger" LOL.

Anyway, I'm excited for tonights episode because of Danny Strong (Jonathan from BTVS) and Sam Anderson (Holland Manners from Angel) so um, really, it's like a whole Jossverse reunuion for me once you throw in Christian Kane.

Who, by the way, I've decided I'm going to bear his childen.

Lmao. I told that to Brandi when she was over here the other day. Or actually what I really said was "I would do dirty, raunchy things to that man." And she choked on her food xD It made me LOL alot... and her husband Nat looked over from the computer and was like "And you're a lesbian?"

I'm a lesbian with the exceptions of Christian Kane and Johnny Depp. That's all.

Hm. Anyway, I need to get off my lazy ass and walk to the store so I can feed my animals and myself.

Labels: boyslash, christian kane, fanfiction, femslash, het, leverage, the closer, trust me

I tried an experiment yesterday.

The thing is, I really don't EVER want to upload hundreds or thousands of fucking pictures one by one. That just sucks. Very much so.

Though, after I uploaded all the award shows/premiers photos, leverage promotional photos, and leverage behind the scenes photos of Beth I was like wait a minute.

The entire reason I can't bulk upload files is due to them blocking the port on their wireless modem, right? Well, dial up doesn't use that.

Yeah, I shuddered at those words too. Dial up...

However, I was correct in thinking my FTP would work with dial up. It's painfully PAINFULLY much slower than I'm used to my FTPs working, but it's less time consuming then uploading them one by one. I've uploaded most all of them except the last two episodes that aired. I'm uploading The Wedding Job right now before I do The Stork Job, because even though it came after it, The Stork Job has close to 400 screencaps of Beth cause it's a very Parker-centric episode, so I'm going to upload those while I sleep cause it's gonna take a couple hours. What I did with The Nigerian Job last night.

Steve (my friend/customer/minion) is going to buy the domain name for me, because apparently no one can get off their dope fucked asses to drive me to cash my stupid check, let alone have me put the money on a freaking prepaid credit card. Two days of "oh yeah we'll be over" and then just NOT.

I'm slightly convinced the people of Leverage and TNT probably think I'm so wacked out stalker Beth fan, which while is highly annoying because I'm not, there's nothing I can do about that. If ya'll haven't noticed, I tend to have a thing for under appreciated talented actresses. Like Hudson for example. Hudson's still my favorite actress by far, but do I stalk her? No. Why? Probably because half the time I'm not even sure if I want to be in the same vicinity as her because I tend to get lectured about something everytime I am lol. She's like a fusion between my mother and my sister, the way she lectures me. It sounds odd, but you wouldn't get it unless you knew my mother and sister lol. I still love Hudson though, don't get me wrong, the woman has taught me more in this life than most other people I've come across.

But I concider her an "unappreciated talented actress" because 98% of the time when I say "Hudson Leick" people are like "Who?" and then I gotta say "Callisto from Xena" and then get a "duhh" kind of look from them to which I have to explain, "The blonde psychotic bitch that always wanted to kill Xena and had rocks fall on her head all the time." The people are like "OHHHH!!"

And Beth is more under appreciated than Hudson is. My website is going to be the ONLY fansite out there for her once it's launched. THE ONLY FREAKING ONE.

Granted, to be fair, this is her first big role.

On a side note, I'm half convinced her first role was actually a artistic hardcore porn film, and it's driving me insane because I can't figure it out. Not that my reason (or my main reason anyway - I am only human after all) is to watch it just cause she's all naked and possibly doing icky het things in it, but because on the header in the welcome message on every page it says that was her first role, which while it WAS, I just don't much want to advertise her porn on there as her first role, even if it is artistically done or whatever. I really did think it was just a movie until I read someones comment on the film, and now I'm not so sure.

But oh well, until I find out that it is in fact porn, it's staying up there. The website is going to be launched in a day or two, hopefully. It depends on how long it takes for the domain name to take effect after Steve buys it, I can't remember.

Now, on to something about Leverage that slightly intrigues me, are you ready for this? This will blow your mind if you know anything about me and my fandoms.

In every fandom that I have, I usually like one or two couples, always femslash. BTVS... Buffy/Faith. X:WP... Xena/Gabrielle, Eve/Varia. Bones.... Brennan/Angela. You get the idea. Mainly, that's the only fanfiction I write/read/give half a fuck about. Everything else gets passed by without a second glance.

Leverage is very different. Not exactly sure why either lol.

I read solo Parker fanfics(which doesn't mean masturbation you dirty minded people lol)/general fanfics.
I read/write Parker/Sophie.
I read/will be writing soon Parker/Eliot - cause they are the prettiest het couple ever lol.
I read Parker/Hardison.
I read Hardison/Eliot.

And the het and slash fics.. I'll read the NC-17. It's slightly hard to get through during those parts, but I'll effing read it.

While my first try at writing het sex occurred in a very short scene in "Path of Forgiveness", I'll probably be trying my hand at Parker/Eliot. First I wanna write a PG-13 one, just to kind of get the hang of trying to picture het in my head while I write, but I think they're gonna break my het sex cherry fully.

I don't think I'll ever write boyslash. I can't relate to any of that lmao.

But it kind of nice, to actually enjoy the ENTIRE fandom, instead of just bits which I usually do.

This fucking show better be on the air for a very long time. NOW! Onto comments....

v1cious said...
lol was the food free?

also, i noticed your recent entry was on Friday. does that mean you haven't been using at all, or just as of yesterday. either way, it's good that you're making progress. have you considered a daytime activity, like maybe a second job part-time college classes? that would keep you active.

I wish, but no lol.

At the time, it meant that I wasn't using at all. My days are a little screwy, and right now even though it's 3:16am on Tuesday, I still consider it Monday because I haven't slept yet. My days start later than everyone elses haha.

I did, however use yesterday. I didn't buy, and no one came over and gave me any, but you'd be surprised how much fucking dope was stuck in all three of my pipes. It got me decently high, and I was able to finally stop procrastinating about the gallery. I needed to do that, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to do unless I was high cause it sucks configuring that thing and I get frustrated easily, especially because I was trying to incorporate something new into it, which I guess ya'll will see when I launch the website.

As for me getting active... why would I want to do that? I'm sure in the spring/summer when I get manic I'll be doing all sorts of stuff, but I'm in the depression part where no, I don't get sad, I just don't ever want to leave my house and do, well, anything. Like work. I have to drag my ass to work just to get there one or two days a week. When I get manic I'll be going four or five times a week. It's just a thing that happens every year. Also during that time I probably won't be writing much either.

And I don't do college, nor probably ever will. I find it stupid to spend ridiculous amounts of money on learning stuff I can just teach myself/have taught myself already.

kelly said...
funny how the world works in your favor sometimes.

I'm slightly confused by this. The world works in my favor because I got my name written on my food box? lol.

Labels: beth riesgraf, dial up, dope, fanfiction, leverage, parker, website design

Does anyone remember the video I made on YouTube awhile back called "I Want My Obsessions Back"?

Well, obviously I have them back. I know most people think I'm certifiably insane, getting caught up in fictional worlds, characters, or stories. What people don't seem to understand is that I am the most happiest when I am. When I don't have to focus on how much bullshit there is in life, or how while I'm managing to finally support myself in only the matter of working one day a week because I have a problem with trying to live past my means, then I'm perfectly happy.

On a side note, it also tends to be my anti-drug. Imagine that.

I have had absolutely no urges to do meth in almost the last week. I've been so caught up in being a Parker-obsessed weirdo, thus labeling me as the Crazy Parker Fanatic (not that anyone has said that, but I'm sure it's coming), that I don't want to smoke. At all.

And it's interesting really. I used to say I smoked because it got me more focused, and I could finish more tasks that way, and while it's true and maybe it would help me be even more of a crazy Leverage person, I just don't want to.

Partly, because while I can make icons/wallpapers/fan videos while I'm high, I can't focus enough to write fanfiction. I wrote a chapter of my Bellatrix one once while high, and when I was sober ended up reading it and throwing it out because it was such epic crap. When I write I'm very big on incooperating and describing a character's manerisms, quirks, facial expressions... all the little things that most people leave unnoticed. I have to fully be in the characters mind and play out the scene in my head a couple times before I can correctly and acuratly descibe what I saw in my head, because I want other people to see it too.

On the downside, however, my obsessions make me not want to do anything else but. Work? Pfft, only to get my rent and food money (cigarettes too, but that goes without saying). I only worked Friday last week. This week, I only worked Friday too. Made $500 and burned the fuck out.

I had an urge to start a Leverage blog, but I won't. I need to stop overloading myself with a bunch of projects, I tend to hang myself that way. I have the YouTube channel, which I'm doing fabulously on by the way, already ten video's up. Seven episode videos (theres only been six episodes aired, but "The Stork Job" had to be split into two parts for obvious reasons if you've seen it), two fan videos, and an introduction video by me for the channel. I'm also still in the middle of a Parker/Sophie fanfic, and as of right now have writer's block which is kicking my ass. Do you guys remember the story arc thing they used to teach you in school?

__/\__

That thing, lol. But yeah, got up to the peak, and now I'm stuck. Fail.

I should probably take a nap and fix my sleep schedule. Yesterday I got home from work, passed the fuck out drunk as hell, but then woke up three hours later and couldn't get back to sleep until 3:30pm. Hence the no working. I swear I really was planning to go... >.>

Oh, fantastic idea hitting me!

When the season is over, I'm planning on making Parker ship videos for every character (to satisfy everyone's pairings) and I think for the Parker/Eliot I want "Poker Face" cause it takes about gambling and Texas (where Eliot is from). Hm, I must make a note of that somewhere. I'm not much looking forward to the Parker/Nate video, I think that would just be icky, and don't understand the pairing at all. I can see Parker/Hardison, Parker/Eliot, and Parker/Sophie easily, but Parker and NATE? Really? Seriously? Come on now. But whatever.

Moving along now... until next time.

Labels: drugs, eliot, fan videos, fanfiction, hardison, lady gaga, leverage, nate, obsessions, parker, poker face, sophie, youtube

So, excuse me while I become uberly obsessed with Leverage since like... it's series premiere.

It's odd, the ONLY other show I have every watched obsessively since the series premiere is The Closer [ also a TNT creation - and coming back in a couple weeks! SQUEE! Brenda FTW ] However, I didn't get this bad.

And yes, I'm sure those of you who know my ridiculous television obsessions are all like "Wtf, what about Xena?" Which reminds me I need to update my Hudson website because apparently she's holding a two hour yoga class at this years convention. I'm not fussed by any means that I'll miss it, I'd rather go to her retreats.

Which also reminds me of a dream I had last night, where Julie talked about how I needed to find the blue leprechaun to get into the special retreat, and Hudson yelled at me because I gave her $7 instead of $10 (for what you ask? Who knows lol) and then proceeded to tell me that she knows the only reason I go to retreats was because I'm her fan, which made me tell her that no, I go to her retreats because she beats me over the head with brutal honesty and makes me question my entire existence in the matter of thirty minutes.

Because you know, THAT'S always fun.

GAH! Off topic. I just woke up, you'll have to excuse me being completely all over the place.

ANYWAY. The thing with Xena, Buffy, Angel, and Bones is that... I didn't start watching them when they first aired. Xena and Buffy were completely off the air, Angel was in it's last season, and Bones I believe was in the middle of the third, however I was watching them all on TNT to catch up at the time.

And why it's different than The Closer is, while I fucking love The Closer like no other, I never got into the actual fandom of it. Probably because who the hell am I supposed to pair Brenda with for some steamy femslash? Daniels? Come ON now. Though, Daniel's is a hot ass bitch, but I just can't see them together. And I dont' do het. So the whole Fritz and her thing, which nice on television, doesn't spark any creative streak in me.

Now let's talk about LEVERAGE...

Okay so, no surprise here, but Parker's my favorite character. You all know how I get all weak at the knees with the crazy bitches, haha.

And hi, Sophie. British accent. HELLO!

Enter Mary writing so much lovely Parker/Sophie fanfiction it's ridiculous. I just started this story yesterday... and am already up to chapter six and over 10K words. And keep in mind that this is AFTER I already wrote a 4K word NC-17 short about the two of them. I'm on a fucking roll, people.

A FUCKING ROLL.

But just... look at this people. Look at this!

The cuteness is undeniable. And I just wanna eat Parker Beth up! Look at her! GAH!

Anyway, so here I am, making lovely little icons all day long, writing fanfiction, obsessivly talking about the show with other fans, every damn day, not being able to wait until Tuesdays until the show airs.

I refuse to work on Tuesdays now, by the way. And it'll be Monday too when The Closer starts airing again.

Ah! I love you TNT!

And my GOD... this show's fandom is already HUGE! I've never seen a show get this huge this fast... ever.

-insert excited squeal cause that means it won't get pulled off the air anytime soon-

So... I'm uber excited about tonight's episode, because apparently it's time to find out more about Parker!

And for the love of GOD, I just want to know what Parker's first name is! Everyone else gets a full name, why not her? -.- Come on now people. Curiousity WILL kill me. Seriously.

Anyway, yay for like a first blog that doesn't include stripping or drugs. Obsessions FTW!

EDIT: Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't just spend eight hours on a Parker-oriented fan video, and just pretend this link is something far less geeky.

CLICKY CLICKY

And we'll also pretend that its not almost one in the afternoon now, and approximately six hours past my bedtime. I'm starting to get a serious headache from lack of sleep and staring at this fucking computer. But tonights episode ended up being so good, I had to go download it right away and make a video out of it.

I'm retarded I know, but let's not spread that around.

Labels: fanfiction, femslash, leverage, obsessions, parker, sophie

The Closer was fabulous last night, like expected. I'm so glad it's back, Brenda's my fucking hero. I mean seriously, I strive to have that much power and bitchiness. Really, I do. No joke.

Of course I watched the series premiere of "Trust Me", because, well, I watch anything and everything on TNT. It wasn't bad, it had it moments, but it didn't make me go all OMG WHAT A FABULOUS FUCKING SHOW. At least, not yet. But than again, neither did Leverage after it's first episode. I usually tend to give TV shows at least three watches until I totally give up and realize it's not for me, or begin to start watching them every week.

Connor was funny. I did enjoy him. However, I totally loved the guy at the beginning to who died (I can't remember for the life of me his character name - but he totally played Bill Krolic (sp?) - the guy who liked to murder people from burning them from the inside out - on The Closer in the first and second season LOL.) Seriously, I saw him and was all OMG! BILL KROLIC! xD My Closer obession is worse than I imagined... which seriously, reminds me I need to buy the third season on DVD. I don't know why I have yet to do that. Probably due to the fact that I haven't had a credit card in god knows how long now. Anyway, my point was, I'm sad he got killed off within the first like, 15 minutes, because he was great. Such a ruthless dick head. It was lovely.

Now, excuse me while I toot my own awesome horn for like, half a second.

So, I finish my Parker/Sophie fanfiction last night. Sixteen chapters, over 25k words. But no, that's not why I'm awesome.

See, I was still in the mood to write this morning, but couldn't find a plot bunny to save my fucking life. Then suddenly the idea hit me with the seven deadly sins, and then I realized it'd be pretty damn badass if I made a short story for each of the deadly sins each with a different pairing.

Seriously, I think people should do this kind of prompt for every fandom. I really believe it's genius LOL.

The Seven Deadly Sins = Epic Pwning

Anyway, in further news regarding THAT... I wrote boyslash for the first time AND I wrote NC-17 Het for the first time.

Be proud, be very proud xD

I told ya'll I'd end up writing Parker/Eliot sex. Srsly. It wasn't as bad as I thought imagining it it - because you, or at least I, have to visualise everything I write before I write it to describe it accuratly - but I think that's just because I've actually participated in that act a few times in my life. I doubt I could ever write boyslash sex - I have no expirence when it comes to that HAHA.

Anyway, this is the first time I've written this many different pairings for a fandom. And hell, even pairings I don't enjoy. Like, anything that involves Nathan. He makes me squirm LOL. He's too "daddy"... you know? Like, him paired with anyone except Sophie (and hell, sometimes even Sophie) to me makes me feel like it's dirty xD

But some of the sins matched something in regards to him so... yeah, he's in there. Though, I did enjoy writing him and Sophie, because while I don't like the pairing because Sophie's a winey bitch and Nathan has half a brain cell when it comes to that sort of stuff, I was able to get out my frustration about it, because they were "anger" LOL.

Anyway, I'm excited for tonights episode because of Danny Strong (Jonathan from BTVS) and Sam Anderson (Holland Manners from Angel) so um, really, it's like a whole Jossverse reunuion for me once you throw in Christian Kane.

Who, by the way, I've decided I'm going to bear his childen.

Lmao. I told that to Brandi when she was over here the other day. Or actually what I really said was "I would do dirty, raunchy things to that man." And she choked on her food xD It made me LOL alot... and her husband Nat looked over from the computer and was like "And you're a lesbian?"

I'm a lesbian with the exceptions of Christian Kane and Johnny Depp. That's all.

Hm. Anyway, I need to get off my lazy ass and walk to the store so I can feed my animals and myself.

Labels: boyslash, christian kane, fanfiction, femslash, het, leverage, the closer, trust me

I tried an experiment yesterday.

The thing is, I really don't EVER want to upload hundreds or thousands of fucking pictures one by one. That just sucks. Very much so.

Though, after I uploaded all the award shows/premiers photos, leverage promotional photos, and leverage behind the scenes photos of Beth I was like wait a minute.

The entire reason I can't bulk upload files is due to them blocking the port on their wireless modem, right? Well, dial up doesn't use that.

Yeah, I shuddered at those words too. Dial up...

However, I was correct in thinking my FTP would work with dial up. It's painfully PAINFULLY much slower than I'm used to my FTPs working, but it's less time consuming then uploading them one by one. I've uploaded most all of them except the last two episodes that aired. I'm uploading The Wedding Job right now before I do The Stork Job, because even though it came after it, The Stork Job has close to 400 screencaps of Beth cause it's a very Parker-centric episode, so I'm going to upload those while I sleep cause it's gonna take a couple hours. What I did with The Nigerian Job last night.

Steve (my friend/customer/minion) is going to buy the domain name for me, because apparently no one can get off their dope fucked asses to drive me to cash my stupid check, let alone have me put the money on a freaking prepaid credit card. Two days of "oh yeah we'll be over" and then just NOT.

I'm slightly convinced the people of Leverage and TNT probably think I'm so wacked out stalker Beth fan, which while is highly annoying because I'm not, there's nothing I can do about that. If ya'll haven't noticed, I tend to have a thing for under appreciated talented actresses. Like Hudson for example. Hudson's still my favorite actress by far, but do I stalk her? No. Why? Probably because half the time I'm not even sure if I want to be in the same vicinity as her because I tend to get lectured about something everytime I am lol. She's like a fusion between my mother and my sister, the way she lectures me. It sounds odd, but you wouldn't get it unless you knew my mother and sister lol. I still love Hudson though, don't get me wrong, the woman has taught me more in this life than most other people I've come across.

But I concider her an "unappreciated talented actress" because 98% of the time when I say "Hudson Leick" people are like "Who?" and then I gotta say "Callisto from Xena" and then get a "duhh" kind of look from them to which I have to explain, "The blonde psychotic bitch that always wanted to kill Xena and had rocks fall on her head all the time." The people are like "OHHHH!!"

And Beth is more under appreciated than Hudson is. My website is going to be the ONLY fansite out there for her once it's launched. THE ONLY FREAKING ONE.

Granted, to be fair, this is her first big role.

On a side note, I'm half convinced her first role was actually a artistic hardcore porn film, and it's driving me insane because I can't figure it out. Not that my reason (or my main reason anyway - I am only human after all) is to watch it just cause she's all naked and possibly doing icky het things in it, but because on the header in the welcome message on every page it says that was her first role, which while it WAS, I just don't much want to advertise her porn on there as her first role, even if it is artistically done or whatever. I really did think it was just a movie until I read someones comment on the film, and now I'm not so sure.

But oh well, until I find out that it is in fact porn, it's staying up there. The website is going to be launched in a day or two, hopefully. It depends on how long it takes for the domain name to take effect after Steve buys it, I can't remember.

Now, on to something about Leverage that slightly intrigues me, are you ready for this? This will blow your mind if you know anything about me and my fandoms.

In every fandom that I have, I usually like one or two couples, always femslash. BTVS... Buffy/Faith. X:WP... Xena/Gabrielle, Eve/Varia. Bones.... Brennan/Angela. You get the idea. Mainly, that's the only fanfiction I write/read/give half a fuck about. Everything else gets passed by without a second glance.

Leverage is very different. Not exactly sure why either lol.

I read solo Parker fanfics(which doesn't mean masturbation you dirty minded people lol)/general fanfics.
I read/write Parker/Sophie.
I read/will be writing soon Parker/Eliot - cause they are the prettiest het couple ever lol.
I read Parker/Hardison.
I read Hardison/Eliot.

And the het and slash fics.. I'll read the NC-17. It's slightly hard to get through during those parts, but I'll effing read it.

While my first try at writing het sex occurred in a very short scene in "Path of Forgiveness", I'll probably be trying my hand at Parker/Eliot. First I wanna write a PG-13 one, just to kind of get the hang of trying to picture het in my head while I write, but I think they're gonna break my het sex cherry fully.

I don't think I'll ever write boyslash. I can't relate to any of that lmao.

But it kind of nice, to actually enjoy the ENTIRE fandom, instead of just bits which I usually do.

This fucking show better be on the air for a very long time. NOW! Onto comments....

v1cious said...
lol was the food free?

also, i noticed your recent entry was on Friday. does that mean you haven't been using at all, or just as of yesterday. either way, it's good that you're making progress. have you considered a daytime activity, like maybe a second job part-time college classes? that would keep you active.

I wish, but no lol.

At the time, it meant that I wasn't using at all. My days are a little screwy, and right now even though it's 3:16am on Tuesday, I still consider it Monday because I haven't slept yet. My days start later than everyone elses haha.

I did, however use yesterday. I didn't buy, and no one came over and gave me any, but you'd be surprised how much fucking dope was stuck in all three of my pipes. It got me decently high, and I was able to finally stop procrastinating about the gallery. I needed to do that, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to do unless I was high cause it sucks configuring that thing and I get frustrated easily, especially because I was trying to incorporate something new into it, which I guess ya'll will see when I launch the website.

As for me getting active... why would I want to do that? I'm sure in the spring/summer when I get manic I'll be doing all sorts of stuff, but I'm in the depression part where no, I don't get sad, I just don't ever want to leave my house and do, well, anything. Like work. I have to drag my ass to work just to get there one or two days a week. When I get manic I'll be going four or five times a week. It's just a thing that happens every year. Also during that time I probably won't be writing much either.

And I don't do college, nor probably ever will. I find it stupid to spend ridiculous amounts of money on learning stuff I can just teach myself/have taught myself already.

kelly said...
funny how the world works in your favor sometimes.

I'm slightly confused by this. The world works in my favor because I got my name written on my food box? lol.

Labels: beth riesgraf, dial up, dope, fanfiction, leverage, parker, website design

Does anyone remember the video I made on YouTube awhile back called "I Want My Obsessions Back"?

Well, obviously I have them back. I know most people think I'm certifiably insane, getting caught up in fictional worlds, characters, or stories. What people don't seem to understand is that I am the most happiest when I am. When I don't have to focus on how much bullshit there is in life, or how while I'm managing to finally support myself in only the matter of working one day a week because I have a problem with trying to live past my means, then I'm perfectly happy.

On a side note, it also tends to be my anti-drug. Imagine that.

I have had absolutely no urges to do meth in almost the last week. I've been so caught up in being a Parker-obsessed weirdo, thus labeling me as the Crazy Parker Fanatic (not that anyone has said that, but I'm sure it's coming), that I don't want to smoke. At all.

And it's interesting really. I used to say I smoked because it got me more focused, and I could finish more tasks that way, and while it's true and maybe it would help me be even more of a crazy Leverage person, I just don't want to.

Partly, because while I can make icons/wallpapers/fan videos while I'm high, I can't focus enough to write fanfiction. I wrote a chapter of my Bellatrix one once while high, and when I was sober ended up reading it and throwing it out because it was such epic crap. When I write I'm very big on incooperating and describing a character's manerisms, quirks, facial expressions... all the little things that most people leave unnoticed. I have to fully be in the characters mind and play out the scene in my head a couple times before I can correctly and acuratly descibe what I saw in my head, because I want other people to see it too.

On the downside, however, my obsessions make me not want to do anything else but. Work? Pfft, only to get my rent and food money (cigarettes too, but that goes without saying). I only worked Friday last week. This week, I only worked Friday too. Made $500 and burned the fuck out.

I had an urge to start a Leverage blog, but I won't. I need to stop overloading myself with a bunch of projects, I tend to hang myself that way. I have the YouTube channel, which I'm doing fabulously on by the way, already ten video's up. Seven episode videos (theres only been six episodes aired, but "The Stork Job" had to be split into two parts for obvious reasons if you've seen it), two fan videos, and an introduction video by me for the channel. I'm also still in the middle of a Parker/Sophie fanfic, and as of right now have writer's block which is kicking my ass. Do you guys remember the story arc thing they used to teach you in school?

__/\__

That thing, lol. But yeah, got up to the peak, and now I'm stuck. Fail.

I should probably take a nap and fix my sleep schedule. Yesterday I got home from work, passed the fuck out drunk as hell, but then woke up three hours later and couldn't get back to sleep until 3:30pm. Hence the no working. I swear I really was planning to go... >.>

Oh, fantastic idea hitting me!

When the season is over, I'm planning on making Parker ship videos for every character (to satisfy everyone's pairings) and I think for the Parker/Eliot I want "Poker Face" cause it takes about gambling and Texas (where Eliot is from). Hm, I must make a note of that somewhere. I'm not much looking forward to the Parker/Nate video, I think that would just be icky, and don't understand the pairing at all. I can see Parker/Hardison, Parker/Eliot, and Parker/Sophie easily, but Parker and NATE? Really? Seriously? Come on now. But whatever.

Moving along now... until next time.

Labels: drugs, eliot, fan videos, fanfiction, hardison, lady gaga, leverage, nate, obsessions, parker, poker face, sophie, youtube

So, excuse me while I become uberly obsessed with Leverage since like... it's series premiere.

It's odd, the ONLY other show I have every watched obsessively since the series premiere is The Closer [ also a TNT creation - and coming back in a couple weeks! SQUEE! Brenda FTW ] However, I didn't get this bad.

And yes, I'm sure those of you who know my ridiculous television obsessions are all like "Wtf, what about Xena?" Which reminds me I need to update my Hudson website because apparently she's holding a two hour yoga class at this years convention. I'm not fussed by any means that I'll miss it, I'd rather go to her retreats.

Which also reminds me of a dream I had last night, where Julie talked about how I needed to find the blue leprechaun to get into the special retreat, and Hudson yelled at me because I gave her $7 instead of $10 (for what you ask? Who knows lol) and then proceeded to tell me that she knows the only reason I go to retreats was because I'm her fan, which made me tell her that no, I go to her retreats because she beats me over the head with brutal honesty and makes me question my entire existence in the matter of thirty minutes.

Because you know, THAT'S always fun.

GAH! Off topic. I just woke up, you'll have to excuse me being completely all over the place.

ANYWAY. The thing with Xena, Buffy, Angel, and Bones is that... I didn't start watching them when they first aired. Xena and Buffy were completely off the air, Angel was in it's last season, and Bones I believe was in the middle of the third, however I was watching them all on TNT to catch up at the time.

And why it's different than The Closer is, while I fucking love The Closer like no other, I never got into the actual fandom of it. Probably because who the hell am I supposed to pair Brenda with for some steamy femslash? Daniels? Come ON now. Though, Daniel's is a hot ass bitch, but I just can't see them together. And I dont' do het. So the whole Fritz and her thing, which nice on television, doesn't spark any creative streak in me.

Now let's talk about LEVERAGE...

Okay so, no surprise here, but Parker's my favorite character. You all know how I get all weak at the knees with the crazy bitches, haha.

And hi, Sophie. British accent. HELLO!

Enter Mary writing so much lovely Parker/Sophie fanfiction it's ridiculous. I just started this story yesterday... and am already up to chapter six and over 10K words. And keep in mind that this is AFTER I already wrote a 4K word NC-17 short about the two of them. I'm on a fucking roll, people.

A FUCKING ROLL.

But just... look at this people. Look at this!

The cuteness is undeniable. And I just wanna eat Parker Beth up! Look at her! GAH!

Anyway, so here I am, making lovely little icons all day long, writing fanfiction, obsessivly talking about the show with other fans, every damn day, not being able to wait until Tuesdays until the show airs.

I refuse to work on Tuesdays now, by the way. And it'll be Monday too when The Closer starts airing again.

Ah! I love you TNT!

And my GOD... this show's fandom is already HUGE! I've never seen a show get this huge this fast... ever.

-insert excited squeal cause that means it won't get pulled off the air anytime soon-

So... I'm uber excited about tonight's episode, because apparently it's time to find out more about Parker!

And for the love of GOD, I just want to know what Parker's first name is! Everyone else gets a full name, why not her? -.- Come on now people. Curiousity WILL kill me. Seriously.

Anyway, yay for like a first blog that doesn't include stripping or drugs. Obsessions FTW!

EDIT: Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't just spend eight hours on a Parker-oriented fan video, and just pretend this link is something far less geeky.

CLICKY CLICKY

And we'll also pretend that its not almost one in the afternoon now, and approximately six hours past my bedtime. I'm starting to get a serious headache from lack of sleep and staring at this fucking computer. But tonights episode ended up being so good, I had to go download it right away and make a video out of it.

I'm retarded I know, but let's not spread that around.

Labels: fanfiction, femslash, leverage, obsessions, parker, sophie

My name is Mary. I'm a 24 year old creative mess. I like to tell stories in anyway that I can, though mostly through visual artwork. I enjoy film editing, writing, modeling, photography, dancing, and website design. I'm a lesbian. I'm bipolar. I'm stronger than I usually give myself credit for. I'm a recovering drug addict. I'm passionate as all hell. I'm a beautiful disaster. I want to be free. I want to fly.

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